Paris Hilton vs. Parris Hilton vs. Pairs Hilton vs. Effective Birth Control

Looking for the most effective birth control? I found it. The greatest part about it is that it's free. You don't need to visit a doctor, you don't need a prescription. All you need is MTV or the latest copy of Maxim. The solution? Paris Hilton. Or Parris Hilton. Or Pairs Hilton. However you want to spell the tramp's name - she's works overtime keeping Trojan condoms in business - both horizontally and vertically.

Now, I know the world is full of stupid people. But you must have an IQ just short of zero to really like Paris Hilton. She has one decent quality - her bank account. Other than that, she's pretty much worthless. Are there really people out there that care about this skank? Oh, that's right, I forgot she had another quality - sex tapes. What classy celebrity doesn't have one? There's Pam Anderson, Gena Lee Nolin, and who can forget the Survivor chick (actually I wish I could). I watched some of the Parris video and I actually gained respect for the guy in it. How did he put up with her? Bitch, piss, whine and moan is all she did. I'm also extremely disappointed in her bedroom techniques, but then again I'm not. She's been such a pampered and spoiled brat her whole life nobody told her she sucks in the sack. Want to propel yourself to internet celebrity skank? Make a sex tape. Want to make the cover of The Enquirer? Make a sex tape. Have a successful and/or famous family and want to embarass them forever? Make a sex tape.

Anyway, back to Pairs Hilton. Pairs refers to the brain cells she currently has, which she most likely purchased. How embarrassed must her Dad be? Son of a famous hotel chain developer, doomed to have a daughter who is the role model for teenage sluts and poster child for abstinence. Paris has got to be the most effective birth control available. I challenge any of you to say "I'd be proud to have a whore tramp daughter."

Look, I'm sure plenty of people out there think Paris is hot and would "do anything" to be with her, and I call those people idiots. She has no chest, a flat ass, fake nose, fake cheeks, and she carries her spoiled mutt dog around with her everywhere. I'm so glad I'm not a parent right now. I'd probably go and do something crazy like Evan.