Cheer Sheets and the Stupidity of the Masses

As I stated in my first post, I'm a huge UNC fan. The great thing that comes with being a Heels fan is you are automatically included into the "I hate dook" club. Now, the big game is tomorrow, when the #2 ranked Heels visit the rundown concrete gymnasium known as Cameron and play #8 Dook. I'm sure the "Cameron Crazies" will be ready with cheer sheets and intimidating hand shaking. I don't know who will be officiating, but if Carl Hess is in the building look for the tiny space between his whistle and Coach K(ay)'s ass.

Now, I will say that Dook has taken to beating the Heels lately (14 out of last 16 including tourney play). Now how times have changed. New Coach, 2nd year in the system, and seasoned players are destined to turn the victories back to Chapel Hill. The game plan for the Heels should be simple - attack "She" Williams. Get that gang rapist in foul trouble, and the dookies will be exposed. I really don't think ol' Roy has put too much thought into Shav Randolph, even though his ability to foul more than he scores is quite impressive for such a highly recruited player. Dockery and Ewing can be contained, and we know what happens to dopeman Redick when Jackie Manuel gets him defensively. "But Lee Melchionni has stepped up big this year - don't overlook him." Please. I can't wait to see him get worked on both ends of the court.

The Truth about Duke is a great source to catch up on all the bullshit and real news involving K(ay) and his "pristine" program. I'm sure it will be updated with news of the upcoming game, but for now if you haven't heard about the dook cheer sheets being infiltrated by Maryland fans, check it out here. So, in honor of these great fans, i'd like to create my own cheer sheet for the dookies.

Cheer Sheet Dook vs. UNC February 9, 2005

• Felton is averaging over 7 assists a game. Meanwhile our D. Ew is getting 4! The chant after a Ewing assist will be "HE'S HALF WAY THERE."
• UNC is in sole possession of 1st place in the ACC. If we win this game we will be in first. If Carl Hess's check clears in time, the closing seconds of the game we will wiggle our hands at the Tar Heel bench and proclaim "WE'RE NUMBER ONE TILL WE LOSE TO MARYLAND"
• Our Beloved JJ is behind 4 Tar Heels in 3pt Shooting Percentage and behind the entire UNC team as well. After every made three, we must scream "WE THINK HE CAN WE THINK HE CAN" On a Tar Heel miss, proclaim "YOU MISS WE SWISH"
• Marvin Williams is a Freshman, and he's never played here. Now, even though he's 3rd in the ACC in free throws, we must make sure to make a solid statement against him. All students sitting behind the goals need to paint their faces (see attached color by number guide) and chant "NUMBER THREE"
• Rumor has it that Coach Roy looks like a rat when the other coach is talking to an official. When our beloved Coach K(ay) is yelling at the refs, we must sound of with "RAT FACE" This will confuse Roy and force him to ignore the obvious bullying of the zebras.
• When we lose, and let's face it we will, we must stay proud. However, that must not stop us from chanting "WE GOT NEXT" followed by the traditional 5 claps. This will remind the Heels that they have to play us again at the Dean Dome where they have yet to lose this year.

THIS CHEER SHEET IS TOP SECRET!! WE MUST NOT LET IT GET IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY.

That was fun. I can't wait for the line for this game to come out tomorrow. I might have to empty my 401k on the heels if it's anything less than -5.