God I love baseball. My fantasy drafts have been conducted (all three), my rosters have been set, my XM radio all ready to go, and my hopes of a Cubs World Series Championship still possible. Of course, this dream will be crushed no later than September 7th, when the Cards wrap up the central and the battle for the wild card doesn't involve the windy city. The Cubs are off to a good start, and I will remain optimistic and say that this is the year.
Now, I've spent the past 72 hours hunched over my computer going through excel spreadsheets that have the past 60 years of baseball stats buried in there. I'm talking ALL the stats, even the ones I made up, like "Runners in scoring position when there is a full moon on Tuesday" or "Strikeouts per 9 innings when CBS has the number 1 Neilsen rated program in the Thursday 10:30pm slot." The list goes on and on. With all this data, I created a very precise and flawless algorithm that will predict without a shadow of a doubt how the season will turn out. Actually, I just copied some other guys list and homered it up with Cubs propaganda.
Here is the National League (according to my drunk goggles):
NL East:
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Washington Nationals
NL Central:
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati Reds
Houston Astros
Pittsburgh Pirates
Milwaukee Brewers
NL West:
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants
Los Angeles Dodgers
Arizona Diamondbacks
Colorado Rockies
NL Wild Card: Cubs
Albert Pujols - NL MVP
Tim Hudson - NL Cy Young
Jason Dubois - ROY
I really want to say Zambrano for the Cy, but I already have a Cubbie listed for rookie of the year so I'm not going to push it. Pujols will finally win the MVP he has deserved the past 2 years. Funny how Barry says he's disrespected and hated, yet he keeps winning an award he doesn't deserve. Roids - They make you dumb.
Now for the American League, aka "the league that uses that crappy DH"
AL East
New York Yankees
Boston Red Sox
Baltimore Orioles
Toronto Blue Jays
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
AL Central
Detroit Tigers
Cleveland Indians
Minnesota Twins
Kansas City Royals
Chicago White Sox
AL West
ANAHEIM Angels
Oakland Athletics
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners
AL Wild Card: Oakland
Vladimir Guerrero - AL MVP
Big Unit - AL Cy Young
Nick Swisher - ROY
Is there any doubt Randy Johnson will win the Cy Young? The man won it 2 years ago in the NL with a team that had damian miller, quinton Mccracken and Luis Gonzalez. Now he's in pinstripes, with one of the nastiest lineups in baseball history. he should win 30 games with the amount of run support he'll be raking in.
My prediction for the WS? Cubs over the Yanks in 6, 7 if Cubs have home field advantage.
Now pass me the Old Style and play ball!!
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